Humotropy

Need Some Reason to Blog

Depression has been a problem for me for some time now.  The latter half of my graduate school and especially after the ex-wifey left for another state have been particularly debilitating.  I recall many nights when I would come home at 4:00 and sit in the corner by the window so I could watch the sun set at 6:00.  I would sit and stare at the street lights until 9:00 or so before going to bed.  Friday nights are particularly bad for some reason.

My relationship with sleep has changed.  I can sleep for 14 hours without feeling refreshed and I sometimes prefer sleep to all other activities.  I don’t like meeting new people.  When I meet them, I feel like I am already disliked.  This isn’t rational.  I’ve tried to start a blog a few times.  I’ve tried to keep active on my Facebook page.  I’ve tried to keep in touch with my friends in far away places.  Really, I want to disappear, so I’m not so great at accomplishing these things.  Thus, another shot at it.  Perhaps if I force myself to write here, I’ll make a habit of it.

I’m holding my completed Ph.D. Thesis in my hands.  It is still warm from the printer.  It is heavy, thick and monochromatic and I hope, above all else, that it represents a change in my life and how I feel.